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Talks too much
Anybody who is up for it, post here. Details of dates, times, costs etc June 10. If 25 of us go for three nights, nice hotel, scheduled flight at a reasonable hour, und so weiter, it will cost around £350. There are cheaper options, but I can't find one that I fancy. Input more than welcome.

Total Posts: 127 | Joined Feb. 2002 | Posted on: 3:22 pm on May 26, 2002 | IP

Fresh ideas
Count me in Ian,  £350 seems petty damn good to me.  Busy doing my own investigations as well.

Someone give Bertie Julie's number!

Total Posts: 27 | Joined May 2002 | Posted on: 4:41 pm on May 26, 2002 | IP

Talks too much
As requested here's my Herald piece on the last trip and also Credit Card's tale of derring do's and don'ts.

It all seemed so simple at the time. I've been on dozens of buses this season. How difficult could it be to run one? We were sitting in the Tap Shop bar in
West Calder just after the game against Austria, when Scotland's female footballers totally gubbed them 5-0, taking us to within three points of Belgium, who top the section with 15 points from six games, with a goal difference of plus four. That win meant we only needed to beat Wales to win the section, because we had scored four against Belgium in our home game and now have a goal difference ofplus 13. Wales have no points in the section and they don't even want to think about their goal difference. Topping the section means we qualify for the World Cup play-offs.
My mouth lives a wild and free life of its own sometimes and I heard it saying: ''We could go to Wales to see them do it.''
Wullie Anderson and his wife Gill were right behind me and the idea blossomedand spread its petals like a desert cactus. ''Wales. Wales? Wales!''The word ricocheted around the Tap Shop like a bagatelle ball on speed.
Supporting the women is new thing for the Tartan Army. There were around 60 of the fully tartaned and kilted-up diehards at the Belgian game and as the word
spread on the Tartan Army Message Board that here we had a team which won,about 150 foot soldiers turned up for the Austrian game and we stood and sang
and cheered our hearts out for the whole time. We even made up songs.
And did we make up songs for the bus to Wales? Does rain fall downwards?
Here's a verse from one of Bridie Boy's efforts:

We came on a bus on a long, long drive,
We're here to see Scotland win Group Five.
We wear the kilts and we jump and jive.
Taffy, whaur’s yer boozers?

Dianne even printed a song sheet for us and all of the hassles I had hadbusrunning-wise vanished as we raised our voices.
After a totally brilliant evening in the Merthyr Tydfil FC social club, at whose ground the game was played, and a national song-singing competition outside, we were up bright and early the day of the game. Aye, right. We were back at the social club next day, but not early.
The game itself was scrappy early on. A chant of ''Brazil, it's just likewatching Brazil'', segued into: ''Miss World, it's just like watching MissWorld'', in an attempt to spur Scotland on, but the first half was a pretty dispiriting affair with the gloom relieved only by Wales missing a penalty in the 30th minute, when Ceryl Jones hit the left-hand post and the ball bounced into the welcoming arms of Gemma Fay, for me the woman of the match.
Scotland started the second half as though manager Vera Pauw had personally poked a flea into every single ear and in 12 minutes Donna James looked up, saw
the Welsh keeper off her line and curled a beauty all of 40 yards into the net.
Scotland then came more into the game and started to dominate and if Donna had scored the sitter she missed at 20 minutes it would have been all over.
As you know, there is a law of Scottish women's football which says that the game isn't over till Julie Fleeting scores, so with five minutes to go the inevitable happened and Julie rolled it through a forest of legs into the keeper’s left-hand corner and the game was over.
Brilliant weekend, top of the section, only running the bus to Prague or maybe the Ukraine to worry about. Let the good times, and the buses, roll.

Two-nil a Merthyr Skinfull

Following a 5-0 win at Almondvale, some of the 150 Scots who watched the Scottish Womens team, fuelled by Tap Shop beer, talked of a Battle Bus to Wales.  Ian Black, from The Herald decided to get it sorted.  Soon there were 22 but not enough for a bus.  The numbers were supplemented with a few virtual passengers who paid  £5 for the privilege of their name being carried on tour, by someone else.  Those virtual passengers were the only ones who misbehaved and you Tam Ferry from EASTA, you were magoo’d by midday.

There were 3 Tap Shop Footsoldiers:

·The Vice Captain
·Credit Card
·Dress Sense

We met our fellow bus companions at 10:30 in the Iron Horse in Glasgow.  Lucky we got it right.  It was a pub and not the iron horse on the edge of the M8.  Wee Arthur was there on his way to Hong Kong.  He was there to see the boys but decided to go for a beer with the boys, who were going to see the girls, first.

The Claw, John and Dress Sense stuck a notice on the back of the bus window.  The Claw was particularly proud and expectant of one of his pieces of artwork.  “For phone sextext dial”.  The Claw’s number was added.  The Claw awaited the offers.  Sadly the big man was inundated with requests from Graham Norton types thanks to Dress Sense sneaking in the word “gay” when The Claw wasn’t looking.

After playfully skelping Dress Sense on the nose, The Claw got into other mobile textual-intercourse.  One he thought was from a blonde who craved for him in her convertible.  Instead it was The Vice Captain who secretly waved, (up and down with a closed fist), whilst sitting comfortable.

We stopped at Lockerbie to pick up The Battlebus Commander and his wife.  His daughter Dianne Furradrink was also picked up but more of that later, right Sacks young man.

The Battlebus Commander sensed that 22 of us would not make enough noise so he brought with him - The Tartan Megaphone.  It’s a strange device a bit like a jet engine wearing a kilt; in fact the same description could apply to the Battlebus Commander himself.

On the bus door opening we were treated to a Concorde-taking off rendition of:

We’re on the march with Vera’s Army,
We’re going to the Tittyville,
And we’ll stuff it up the Welsh,
Coz oor burdz are somethin’ else
Oh it’s great to see the Scots doing so well.

For those who don’t know:
·Vera is the Scottish Womens team manager
·Tittyville is what ken Dodd calls Wales
·John is half as tall as The Claw

Dianne had produced a brilliant song sheet and copies were soon passed around which included this one and many more, which I will cover later.  (Tommy Scott will also cover them - £10.99 at crap bookstores).  Oh the much maligned Tommy Scott.

Sammy for some reason put on a Tommy Scott video.  This guy needs shot.  In fact both of them do.  Tommy Scott is a traditional Scottish singer who moves his shoulders up and down when he sings.  Sammy does the same thing but has beer bottles attached to his hands.

We stopped in Preston, Englandshire, for a beer and some nosebag.  The Vice Captain spotted a cool 3D Beck’s Bier ad.  The Claw (to the tune of Mission Impossible) climbed up the staircase, hid his 6’ 7” frame discreetly behind curtains on the way and returned with the “trophy” for display on the bus.

Fiona the Pheasant is the Hebrides Bar’s mascot and was the only passenger on board that wasn’t wrecked at this point.  Dark Rum Moira was doing her best to offer her a drink though, several times.

Before our next stop Dianne Furradrink made some clever Claymores from balloons for everyone.  There ensued a battle of Culloden proportions across the bus but especially in seats 46 and 47.  Jim Fae Kirkaldy put his mate to the sword and thought he killed him.  His mate has no name except he was permanently wrecked  with rushing drink and at times looked so bad he was sub human.  He is to be known from this day forth as The Kursk.

We stopped again somewhere near Birmingham for some more beers.  Whilst we were all in the pub, Ronnie the driver was scraping The Kursk up from the pavement.

We finally got to the hotel at 8.45 and within 15 minutes everyone was in the attaching “Brewsters” with a glass in their hand.  Sammy had two.  The Kursk had 3 but within 5 minutes they were empty.

We later met Kevin McCabe who couldn’t believe 22 of the Tartan Army were mad enough to make the trip.

Kevin’s sister, Shelley, plays at Right-Back and he was there with the rest of his family to cheer the girls on too.  Kevin got a late pass and went out for a pint with Tommy the SFA’s official photographer.  What a job Tommy has!  Taking close up photos of hot sweaty females, jings The Captain got six of the belt at school for that.

We arrived at The Merthyr Tydfil AFC Social Club in a fleet of taxis, OK then 2 minibuses.  Bucks Fizz the eighties pop group had just finished their turn and most folk had headed home.  There was a good 40 or so left in the hall, most of which had bus passes and no teeth.  The dance floor was bare but our young lads soon sorted that out grabbing as many grannies as they could for a birl.

Later, we ALL got more adventurous taking to the stage for a rendition of “Bye Bye Baby” and “Rockin’ All over the World” to rapturous applause.  And the crowd liked it, they liked it, they la, la, liked it.  We asked if we were better than Bucks Fizz.  We got no reply so Bridie Boy shouted “Ach your makin’ your mind up”.

Someone called Beatrix took a shine to some of our lads, in fact she took a shine to anyone.  She was clearly looking for someone to Potter.  The Claw’s chat up line was “Fancy a coffee” and she said “Yes”, so you get the idea.

Once everyone was well magoo’d the bar stayed open for another hour or so before we ordered taxis back.  Whilst outside we all sang “Flower o’ Scotland” and following this the entire bar staff and the committee popped their heads out (The Claw was trying this too with Beatrix but it wasn’t working) to sing, “Land of our Fathers”.

At breakfast Kevin mentioned his Mrs had sent a text late last night to him from their room, “Where the hell ur ye?”  She could have saved herself 10p as Kevin left his phone in his room!

The Vice Captain and I are pwowd, vewy pwoud, to say we made the club bar first thing in the morning.  Well a joiner did.  In addition to beer of course, we ordered one of the splendidly advertised “Welsh Hot Curries – Too hot for some by George” efforts.  They were great, so good in fact The Vice Captain, the greedy git ordered himself another.  The club secretary told us “The ref is from Poland and a babe, she has long dark hair, tanned, sparkling eyes and she was talking to me on the pitch, in a sultry voice as her stilettos sank into the green lush turf”.  The Vice Captain limped to the bogs for a few minutes and returned having presumably eaten half of the banana that was in his pocket on the way there?

While the others had beers and cheers, The Kursk was in a daze standing on folks’ taes.  Dress Sense and The Claw proved man descended from apes as we saw them hanging upside down on the TV gantry in the ground trying to put the TSTA flag up.  Not a pretty sight in kilts and several orders of sausage and chips were cancelled.

The club shop was open and did a roaring trade.  Someone who will remain nameless except that he is a hun, wanted the away strip because it was blue.  Wullie pointed out the errant chap’s gaff as the club badge had a Nun on it.  No refunds mate.

The team arrived and we gave the team a good cheer as they got off their bus.  They gave us cheers and smiles too.  Julie Fleeting not surprisingly got a huge cheer.  Marit and Lisa are in the SFA’s Marketing Department and they gave us the team details and dished out a few badges to the lads.  Maureen from the SWFA was there too and she introduced herself and happily chatted away to us all.  What really nice people.

They followed us in to the bar for a pre-match drink to ease the nerves.
The game started poorly.  Just before half-time Wales missed a penalty.  In the second half we spurred on our girls with “Hey baby ah wanna know will you swap yer shirts” and “Miss World it’s just like watching Miss World”.  There was a version of “Donald where’s yer trousers” that’ had a chorus of “Taffy where’s yer boozers”.

Gemma Fay was playing superbly in goals but we had little to offer up front.  Oops not PC for commentary on a womens’ game.  Sorry!  The truth of the matter is that Julie Fleeting was getting halfed in two every time the Welsh number 8 got within kicking distance.

One of the kids there shouted “Come on Auntie Shelley”.  The Battlebus Commander got on the Tartan Megaphone and got us all to shout “Come on Auntie Shelley” then a few blasts of “Come on Mum”.

At last Donna James did a Beckham v. Wimbledon and hit a 45 yard chip over the keeper’s head.  Everyone went crazy.  22 of us and about the same again of the girls’ friends and family were going ballistic.  Dianne’s pom-poms were all over the place, or so Sacks says.

Next, a classic song that coaxed our Julie to score a peach of a second goal.  Based on “Bring back that loving feeling”.

Pass it to Julie Fleeting
Yes our Julie Fleeting,
Pass it to Julie Fleeting
And she’ll score, score, score
Whoa, whoa goals

The final whistle went and there was Bedlam.  Kevin’s sister came over to see him and the big man cried tears, the happy kind, like when you find a lost can of beer in the fridge.  Imagine having a sister that is good enough to play for Scotland!

We joined the players on the pitch for photos but they didn’t have any cameras and didn’t want our photos, so we took theirs.  Tam from EASTA phoned Wullie who was too busy trying to shove his missus Gill out of the way to hug Donna for scoring such a good goal.  He passed his phone to Julie Fleeting so that she could describe the game to Tam!  The Battlebus Commander was flattened by Stacey Cook’s attack from behind.  She jumped on him and his Tartan Megaphone to shut him up.  Well done Stacey, nobody else has managed that!  Vera Pauw was overcome with emotion.  Someone nabbed a shinguard as a souvenir.  You know who you are sir and one day we will pinch it from under your pillow!

Credit Card went for a team shot with himself but the rest of the mob got in on the act.  As the girls trooped off, Vera promised they would join us for one drink in the club after their showers but they had to get to the airport sharp.  We tried to bribe Troy for some changing room photos but he declined saying he didn’t have clean underwear and asked why did we want a photo of him changing.  Diddy!

We went to the bar and the lads lay in anticipation and perspiration.  The Kursk actually did lay; flat out, fully magoo’d.  Maureen from the SWFA asked if it was OK to give some dosh for drinks for the Kitty which Blackie doled out.  What a nice welcome gesture.

At the entrance to the door we stood in two lines to clap our victorious team into the bar.

They posed for photos.  Dress Sense and The Claw got their photo taken with Julie, so they were over the moon.  Woman of the match Gemma had her photo taken and as promised it is on our site.  Vera, Marit, Lisa and Maureen wandered round to say thanks to everyone for coming to support the team.  The rest of the team sang “We love you Vera” and signed autographs.

We headed back to the bus but before leaving we were given a tray of sausage rolls, bridies, chicken legs etc. by the club to scoff on our way home.  Merthyr Tydfil AFC Social Club we love you.

A taxi firm appeared with The Battlebus’ mouth organ he left in a taxi the previous night.

There is a nasty rumour that Sacks and Dianne wanted to go to Gretna on the way home.

Thanks to Blackie for organising things and let’s hope this adventure will be followed by many more by many more.

Wullie sets a Tartan Army record for the longest period of time to keep his kilt socks up on tour.  We salute you Mr Really Pulled up Socks Man!

Total Posts: 127 | Joined Feb. 2002 | Posted on: 7:07 pm on May 26, 2002 | IP
Battlebus Commander

Opinionated Wind Bag

Edin or Glasgow to Stansted
or Ryanair from Prestwick to Stansted.

Then GO to Prague,  Prices vary depending on the dates, but I reckon all flights would be under £200. Don't ask GO for a group booking as they charge you more !

Slainte     Tom

Total Posts: 241 | Joined Mar. 2002 | Posted on: 7:48 pm on May 26, 2002 | IP

Opinionated Wind Bag
Ian - sorry about my lack of knowledge about all of this - infact I know nothing.  Grateful for an update on when the game is and what you guys are planning - may just suit my schedule...........I hope.  cheers

Total Posts: 208 | Joined Sep. 2001 | Posted on: 8:39 pm on May 26, 2002 | IP

Opinionated Wind Bag
I'd love to go on this wee jaunt! Jist got tae rob a bank....

Oh, and Crecit Card, it wisnae me who put that bloody video on - blame BridieBoy!

Alright, I admit to the dance routine!

"I like to go a-wandering......."

Total Posts: 175 | Joined April 2002 | Posted on: 11:22 pm on May 26, 2002 | IP

IM THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tommy's Tantric Tartan Army

Total Posts: 837 | Joined Mar. 2002 | Posted on: 12:08 am on May 27, 2002 | IP

With "ladies team" ma erse. Burds runnin riot basically!

When up they gat, and shook their lugs, Rejoiced they were nae men but dogs; An' each took aff his several way, Resolved to meet some ither day.

Total Posts: 2453 | Joined Jan. 2002 | Posted on: 12:54 am on May 27, 2002 | IP

and how exactly would you define the mens team Sonny...  have they qualified for a world cup lately

Tommy's Tantric Tartan Army

Total Posts: 837 | Joined Mar. 2002 | Posted on: 11:12 am on May 27, 2002 | IP


When up they gat, and shook their lugs, Rejoiced they were nae men but dogs; An' each took aff his several way, Resolved to meet some ither day.

Total Posts: 2453 | Joined Jan. 2002 | Posted on: 1:23 pm on May 27, 2002 | IP

The Poet
where and when in Czech Republic, I fancy it as Iceland and Faroes are not on this year.

Interviewer "When did Germany last lose so heavily in Europe"
Leo Beenhaker(Feyenoord coach) - " 1945 i think"
Dutch TV after portugal 3 germany 0 euro 2000

Total Posts: 817 | Joined Sep. 2001 | Posted on: 12:01 am on May 28, 2002 | IP
TA Ealing

DHD, the exact dates are being announced the 10th June

Campbeltown Loch, I Wish You Were Whisky


Total Posts: 1324 | Joined Sep. 2001 | Posted on: 8:18 am on May 28, 2002 | IP

Sometime between 22 August and 30th September for the two legs DHD.

Finding it hard to hang on to June 10th. Was already booked for Prague at the end of August only to realise the Denmark game was that week.
Managed to persuade the missus to change her holidays and was going to book the next week but now this comes up.
She needs to tell her work what exact holidays she needs (and so do I!).

Two more weeks of excuses needed!!

Get yer Magoo'd Shirts Here......        iain_mck@hotmail.com

Total Posts: 774 | Joined Sep. 2001 | Posted on: 7:37 pm on May 28, 2002 | IP

Count me in, Ian.

Tommy's Tantric Tartan Army

Total Posts: 728 | Joined Sep. 2001 | Posted on: 1:51 pm on May 29, 2002 | IP

Talks too much
Folks of the LTA,
Lisa now tells me that the committee which decides the dates will probably not now meet until July 10, rather than June 10. Bastards!
I'll keep you posted(as it were).

Total Posts: 127 | Joined Feb. 2002 | Posted on: 6:59 pm on May 30, 2002 | IP


Nae way I can put off for 6/7 weeks.

Oh well - book it and keep fingers crossed I suppose!

The advance party! The TA shall march alone!

I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming on my own.
When you hear the noise......(but you may have to listen intently. It's a big city tae fill the air wi' a single voice.)

Doe, a deer, a single deer.
Ray, a single drop of sun.
Me, a name when there's naeone else.
Far, a long way on yer own.

So, I'll be there all alone.
La, la la la on my own.
Tea, not for two but for one.
That will bring us back to .............DOH!!

Get yer Magoo'd Shirts Here......        iain_mck@hotmail.com

Total Posts: 774 | Joined Sep. 2001 | Posted on: 10:12 pm on May 30, 2002 | IP
Schneker KTA

Ian definately interested efter Tittyville.

The fekin Kursk indeed a wisnae that bad wis a?

"Awa oot fur a quick pint hen" Lord Lucan '74

Total Posts: 291 | Joined April 2002 | Posted on: 8:08 pm on May 31, 2002 | IP

Fresh ideas
Dinnae ken,

They've actually raised the Kursk..........

Someone give Bertie Julie's number!

Total Posts: 27 | Joined May 2002 | Posted on: 12:55 pm on June 1, 2002 | IP
Paisley Buddie

Fresh ideas

Quote: from ianblack on 3:22 pm on May 26, 2002
Anybody who is up for it, post here. Details of dates, times, costs etc June 10. If 25 of us go for three nights, nice hotel, scheduled flight at a reasonable hour, und so weiter, it will cost around £350. There are cheaper options, but I can't find one that I fancy. Input more than welcome.

I've been to Prague the last 3 years in a row (yes, inclding 99) and am going again on Wednesday for 6 nights.

£350 for flights and 3 nights accom seems really steep to me. We booked our flights with GO in January. For return flights from Paisley to Stansted and then Stansted to Prague cost £128 including all taxes etc.

There are 8 of us going so we rented an apartment within a hotel in Prague 5, about a mile from the city centre (3 metro stops from Mustek). It costs 2000CzK a night (about £40) including breakfast. that's a fiver a night for 2 bedrooms, a living room, kitchenette, shower room and toilet.

Retrurn transfers to and from the airport work out at £4 a head...so flights, transfers and 6 nights accomodation work out at £163 a head.

After this trip I'll have been to Prague 5 times so I know my way around. If anyone wants any info on anything Prague related, contact me at tom@stmirren.com

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

Total Posts: 7 | Joined June 2002 | Posted on: 12:07 am on June 2, 2002 | IP

Must say i prefer £163 to £350.......  MARE BEER MONEY!!!!

Tommy's Tantric Tartan Army

Total Posts: 837 | Joined Mar. 2002 | Posted on: 2:53 am on June 2, 2002 | IP

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