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fringo
GET A LIFE!!! |
    
Trying first ever weblink post -
Under Doctor's orders..............
click on 2 links below
One drink per day
One for the road ?
(Edited by fringo at 11:28 pm on April 19, 2002)
(Edited by fringo at 11:30 pm on April 19, 2002)
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“He’s not George Best... but, then again, no one is.”CLIVE TYLDESLEY, ITV
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Total Posts: 1108 | Joined Oct. 2001 | Posted on: 4:21 pm on April 19, 2002 | IP
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sammyboy
Opinionated Wind Bag |
Heh heh! Not bad, fringo!
Reminds me of the glasses they served the beer in, in Brussels!
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"I like to go a-wandering......."
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Total Posts: 152 | Joined April 2002 | Posted on: 6:13 pm on April 19, 2002 | IP
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fringo
GET A LIFE!!! |
I wouldn't have managed too many of them alhtough it felt like I had 
some more from web
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his
theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says."Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees David Beckham. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
Beckham looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?" Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, David."
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“He’s not George Best... but, then again, no one is.”CLIVE TYLDESLEY, ITV
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Total Posts: 1108 | Joined Oct. 2001 | Posted on: 6:50 pm on April 19, 2002 | IP
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TARTAN SCOUSER
GET A LIFE!!! |
A Scotsman and an e*glishman are captured by canibals in the jungle. they are found guilty of failing to observe local religion. They are all offered 2 choices of sentence. "You will choose death, or bunga!" ordered the chief.
"Ah dinnae fancy death" said the canny Scot,"ahl tak bunga!"
"Very well" said the chief "you shall receive bunga". And at that the brave Scot was lead away by 4 large cannibal men and sh*gged mercilessly. When they had finished with his pityful self, the Scot was released to consider the error of his ways.
The chief then turned to the e*glishman and said "Having seen what has happened to your colleague, make your choice!"
The e*nglishman said "Sod that! I'd rather take death!"
"Very well," announced the chief, "death..... by BUNGA!"
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'Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on.'
Billy Connolly.
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Total Posts: 309 | Joined Feb. 2002 | Posted on: 7:56 pm on April 19, 2002 | IP
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fringo
GET A LIFE!!! |
Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the cow was killed.
Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.
About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.
"What happened?" asked Posh.
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh.
The driver replied: "'I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed the cow.'"
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“He’s not George Best... but, then again, no one is.”CLIVE TYLDESLEY, ITV
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Total Posts: 1108 | Joined Oct. 2001 | Posted on: 5:05 pm on April 20, 2002 | IP
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fringo
GET A LIFE!!! |
A group of fonts walk into a bar.
"Get out of my pub!" shouts the barman. "We don't serve your type in here."
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
 
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“He’s not George Best... but, then again, no one is.”CLIVE TYLDESLEY, ITV
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Total Posts: 1108 | Joined Oct. 2001 | Posted on: 5:07 pm on April 20, 2002 | IP
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Dianne
GET A LIFE!!! |
His father sends a small boy to bed. Five
minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your
chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
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Tommy's Tantric Tartan Army
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Total Posts: 710 | Joined Mar. 2002 | Posted on: 2:40 am on April 21, 2002 | IP
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Lost It
GET A LIFE!!! |
A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Rancher: "This dog don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin alright"
Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)"
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Rancher: "Horses don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it goin?"
Horse: "Cool."
Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at rancher)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Rancher: (total look of amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?"
Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk)...... "Th-Th-Them sheep ain't nothin but liars!!!"
:-D
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Scotland First !!!Your'e a lang time deid!!
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Total Posts: 348 | Joined Mar. 2002 | Posted on: 9:24 pm on April 21, 2002 | IP
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Dianne
GET A LIFE!!! |
How gay are you? Take the test....
http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/G/gayometer/index.html
Im 19%
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Tommy's Tantric Tartan Army
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Total Posts: 710 | Joined Mar. 2002 | Posted on: 9:41 pm on April 21, 2002 | IP
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Lost It
GET A LIFE!!! |
A man goes into a cinema with his dog to watch a film. It's a romantic comedy and when there's a funny seen the dog starts laughing. A little later on there's a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying.
This goes on throughout the entire film, laughing and crying at all the right places. A man sitting a few rows back has witnessed the entire thing and decides to follow the man out. In the foyer, he approaches the dog owner and says, "That's truly amazing!"
"It certainly is" The dog owner replied, "He hated the book!"
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Scotland First !!!Your'e a lang time deid!!
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Total Posts: 348 | Joined Mar. 2002 | Posted on: 10:14 pm on April 21, 2002 | IP
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mikeygloves
Fresh ideas |
An english girl staggered from the wreckage of a plane crash, totally covered in blood. When the first-aider asked "Where are you bleeding from?", she replied "Romford you c*nt!"
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If it's no Scottish, it's crap
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Total Posts: 26 | Joined Mar. 2002 | Posted on: 2:17 am on April 22, 2002 | IP
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fringo
GET A LIFE!!! |
not sure if these has been posted.
Anyway , for those who haven't seen it.......
An allegedly real-life customer complaint letter sent to the NTL complaints dept....
Dear Cretins
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions.
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office: My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat ars* waiting for your technician to arrive.
When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website.... how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.
Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%...these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - w*nkers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of tw*ts.
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“He’s not George Best... but, then again, no one is.”CLIVE TYLDESLEY, ITV
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Total Posts: 1108 | Joined Oct. 2001 | Posted on: 8:20 am on April 22, 2002 | IP
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fringo
GET A LIFE!!! |
Strange stories from around the planet...!
1. From The Gloucester Citizen: 'A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialling an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled "Hear Me Moan", the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house. Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, "He got what he deserved."
2. From The Guardian: 'After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deedpoll to "Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist B*****ds". The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr B*****ds has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name.'
3. Phreakers, or 'phone hackers, managed to break into the telephone system of 'Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing message to 'Hello, you fat b*****d'
4. From the Churchdown Parish Magazine: 'Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church, labelled "For The Sick", is for monetary donations only.'
5. From The Guardian concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand: 'Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.'
6. From The Times: 'A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented: "This sort of thing is all too common these days."
7. From The Daily Telegraph in a piece headed "Brussels Pays $200,000 to Save Prostitutes" The money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels."
8. From The Derby Abbey Community News:- We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce."
9. From The Manchester Evening News:- "Police called to arrest a naked man on the platform at Piccadilly Station released their suspect after he produced a valid rail ticket."
10. An Austrian circus dwarf died recently when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a hippopotamus. Seven thousand people watched as little Franz Dasch popped into the mouth of Hilda the Hippo and the animal's gag reflex forced it to swallow. The crowd applauded wildly before other circus people realised what had happened.
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“He’s not George Best... but, then again, no one is.”CLIVE TYLDESLEY, ITV
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Total Posts: 1108 | Joined Oct. 2001 | Posted on: 8:25 am on April 22, 2002 | IP
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randers
GET A LIFE!!! |
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. they all suffer from a severe stutter.
"What's it to be?" asks the stunningly beautiful landlady.
"Th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi................" says the Englishman.
Up steps the Irishman. "Threeeee p pints of of of gui gui gui..........."
The the Scotsman tries. "Th th th th th th th th th th............"
"Look," says the beautiful landlady, who loves a bet, "If any one of you can answer a question without stuttering I'll let you shag me!"
Quite confident that no one will win, she turns to the Englishman.
"Where do you live?" M M M M Man Man Man Man Manch Manch Manch."
"No. You lose." says the beautiful landlady. Turning to the Scotsman, she asks, "Where do you live Scotty?", trying not to laugh.
"E E E Ed Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edinb."
"Sorry, you lose." says the gorgeous woman.
"And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman
"London" blurts out the Irishman.
"Oh Bugger!" says the landlady.
A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she strips to her
underwear, next she takes off her bra exposing a voluptuous bosom. Finally she slides off her panties then climbs into bed.
Paddy with concentration furrowing his brow, climbs on and goes for glory, and then, right at the climaxing stroke, he suddenly screams out
"................ - D D D D D Derry!!"
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dream on...
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Total Posts: 275 | Joined Feb. 2002 | Posted on: 11:33 am on April 22, 2002 | IP
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fringo
GET A LIFE!!! |
Sorry folks but I'm a jokaholic...........
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
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“He’s not George Best... but, then again, no one is.”CLIVE TYLDESLEY, ITV
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Total Posts: 1108 | Joined Oct. 2001 | Posted on: 8:44 pm on April 22, 2002 | IP
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Dianne
GET A LIFE!!! |
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.
3. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
6. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
7. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
9. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
10. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
11. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
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Tommy's Tantric Tartan Army
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Total Posts: 710 | Joined Mar. 2002 | Posted on: 3:31 pm on April 23, 2002 | IP
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alan breck
GET A LIFE!!! |
Saw this one a while ago - which I thought wis no bad - least it might amuse Fringo? Personal favourite's the boxin'....
Glasgow to Host 2008 Olympics
In an attempt to influence the members of the international Olympic Committee on
their choice of venue for the games the organisers of Glasgow's bid have drawn up
an itinerary and schedule of events. A copy has been leaked and is reproduced
below.
Opening Ceremony - The Olympic flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by
a native of the city (preferably from the Easterhouse area), wearing the traditional
costume of shell suit, baseball cap and balaclava mask. It will burn for the duration of
the games in a large chip van situated on the roof of the stadium.
The Events - In previous Olympic games, Scotland's competitors have not been
particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been
altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes:
100 Metres Sprint- Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and microwave
oven(one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be
released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.
100 Metres Hurdle - As above but with added obstacles (ie. car bonnets, hedges,
garden fences, walls etc.)
Hammer - Competitors may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw,
sledge, etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm
to members of the public within the time allowed.
Fencing - Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen silver and jewelry as
possible in 5 minutes
Shooting - A strong challenge is expected from the local men in this event. The first
target will be a moving police car, the next a post office van and then a Securicor
wages vehicle.
Boxing - Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will
take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of Tennents lager
while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will
then commence.
Cycling Time Trials - Competitors will break into the University bike sheds and
take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy from the country on
his first trip away from home. All against the clock.
Cycling Pursuit- As above but the bike will belong to a visiting member of the
Australian rugby team who will witness the theft.
Modern Pentathlon - Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing,
joy-riding and arson.
The Marathon - A safe route has yet to be decided, but competitors will be issued
with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up litter on their way round the course.
Swimming - Competitors will be thrown off the Clyde Suspension Bridge. The first
three survivors back will decide the medals.
Men's 50km Walk - Unfortunately this event will have to be cancelled as police
cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Glasgow.
Closing Ceremony - Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members
of Glasgow Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock
throwing and music by the Govan Boys Band. The Olympic flame will be
extinguished by someone dropping an old washing machine onto it form the top floor
of the block of flats next to the stadium. The stadium will then be boarded up before
the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating
boiler.
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Total Posts: 359 | Joined Feb. 2002 | Posted on: 3:44 pm on April 23, 2002 | IP
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TA Ealing
GET A LIFE!!! |
If Star Wars wis set in Glesga:
Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall, from Blackhill and called Shug. He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport a Celtic top.
Obi-Wan Kenobi would be referred to as "Chief" or "Big Yin" by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as - "Wanky-Nobby".
Darth Vader would referred to as "Auld Helmet Heid" or in moments of stress "That Dome-Heided Basturd"
R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or piss on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on fire.
Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a "greetin-faced poof fae Milngavie".
The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have Daily Record "I Love Scotland" sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker.
Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps; and you've been heavy smoker since you were 6.
The best way to detroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be
* alter its orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of kafflicks
* leave it unattended in Easterhouse.
Lines from the film as they would be uttered in the vernacular:-
Han Solo
"I've got a real bad feeling about this"
"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy"
"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
"Come right ahead then c**ts! Fight the f**ing lot o ye!"
"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny."
"The Force?!! D'youse think ah came doon wi the rain?!"
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
"Nae messin aboot wi the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man. Get yersel' a decent shooter"
Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker
"The Force is strong in this one"
"Stop shooglin' ya wee basturd!"
Princess Leia
"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
"Ah didny think they took short-erses in the polis?"
"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' shite"
Admiral Motti
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
"You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart are you!"
Obi Wan
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
"F*** me! whit wiz aw that?"
Luke to the Emperor
" Your overconfidence is your weakness."
"Oh ye bloody think so!"
(Edited by TA Ealing at 3:59 pm on April 23, 2002)
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Campbeltown Loch, I Wish You Were Whisky
www.taealing.co.uk
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Total Posts: 1137 | Joined Sep. 2001 | Posted on: 3:58 pm on April 23, 2002 | IP
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scott7 0
Opinionated Wind Bag |
What the difference between the Queen Mum and Lady Di.
Nothing the both died approaching 102....
lol..sorry.
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In the year of our lord 1314, Patriots of Scotland, Starving and outnumbered, Charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets, They fought like Scotsmen and won their FREEDOM. Forever.
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Total Posts: 160 | Joined Jan. 2002 | Posted on: 5:18 pm on April 23, 2002 | IP
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Craig W
Talks too much |
A king size cigarette is in a bar, chatting up a cute low tar. "aye," he says, preening his filter, "I'm the hardest cigarette in the country." Suddenly the bar door opens, and a thin white fag walk in. The king size bolts for the toilets and doesn't come out until the thin, white cigarette has gone. "I thought you said you were the hardest cigarette in the country?" chides the low tar. "Aye," says the king size, "but he's bloody menthol!"
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Visit Scotland from your armchair at http://www.loveofscotland.com/
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Total Posts: 101 | Joined Feb. 2002 | Posted on: 6:00 pm on April 23, 2002 | IP
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Tartan Army Message Board
New joke thread
