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Forum moderated by: m1, m2, m3, m4, m5, m6


Two roadies from Aberdeen walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and quietly talking about cattle prices.
Suddenly a woman at a table behind them, who had been eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in real distress, and the cowboys turn to look at her.
"Kin yer swaller ken?" asks one of the cowboys.
"No" signals the woman, desperately shaking her head.
"Kin yer breathe fit like?" asks the other cowboy.
The woman starting to turn a bit blue, shakes her head again.
The first cowboy walks over to her, lifts up the back of her skirt, yanks down her panties and slowly runs his tongue up and down the womans arse.
This shocks the woman to a violent spasm, the obstruction flies out of her mouth and she begins to breath again.
The cowboy slowly walks back over to the bar and proudly takes a swig of his beer.
His partner says in admiration,"Ya know, i'd heard of that there Hind Lick Manoeuvere, but i ain't never seen nobody do it!!"

The pith o' sense an ' pride o' worth,
Are higher rank than a' that.

Total Posts: 350 | Joined Dec. 2002 | Posted on: 9:07 pm on Aug. 2, 2003 | IP


On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

· two Italian men and one Italian woman

· two French men and one French woman

· two German men and one German woman

· two Greek men and one Greek woman

· two English men and one English woman

· two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman

· two Japanese men and one Japanese woman

· two Chinese men and one Chinese woman

· two American men and one American woman

· two Irish men and one Irish woman

One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

· One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

· The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois. And kicking s***te out of Commonwealth War grave headstones.

· The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

· The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

· The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

· The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.

· The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

· The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor/ convenience store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

· The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, all the sales she's missing, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining. The American woman, meanwhile, watches the men fart and scratch.

· The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey.

But they're satisfied, because at least the English aren't having any fun.

The pith o' sense an ' pride o' worth,
Are higher rank than a' that.

Total Posts: 350 | Joined Dec. 2002 | Posted on: 9:21 pm on Aug. 2, 2003 | IP

Talks too much
liked the first one best...but then I usually do!!!

Total Posts: 141 | Joined May 2003 | Posted on: 12:43 am on Aug. 3, 2003 | IP

Simon appears on Stars In There Eyes,matthew asks simon to 'tell the audience why he couldnt appear on the show a year ago'.Simon explains he had a bad accident & had to have both legs removed,matthew asks what happened next well said simon,'my uncle died so i had his legs transplanted to my body'.

Matthew asks Simon who he's going to be tonight,to which simon says 'Tonight Matthew im gonna be Simon & Half-uncle'

Thats a cracker

Kirkcaldy Tartan Army

Total Posts: 1481 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 1:03 pm on Aug. 3, 2003 | IP
deek fae kdy

oi,lay aff the loopy juice u and up tae yir bed,uve got playschool the morra.

Total Posts: 357 | Joined June 2002 | Posted on: 2:23 pm on Aug. 3, 2003 | IP


Kirkcaldy Tartan Army

Total Posts: 1481 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 6:36 pm on Aug. 3, 2003 | IP

A guy stops to visit his friend who has a broken leg.

His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get my
slippers from up stairs for me?"

The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.

He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to shag you." The first daughter says, "That's not true!"

He says, "I'll prove it."

He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"

His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."

Alba mo gradhach dachaigh duthaich

Blackearnside Tartan Army

Total Posts: 1058 | Joined Jan. 2002 | Posted on: 5:56 am on Aug. 4, 2003 | IP

whats the difference between a job and a woman?

job still sucks after 10 years.

i love scotland. I know the cool places to go the best places to eat.... i love this land for its hills its glens its unspoilt wild places big rivers mysterious waterfalls and its animals and people

Total Posts: 1384 | Joined Feb. 2002 | Posted on: 9:40 am on Aug. 4, 2003 | IP

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